Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize