dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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