You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
