She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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