My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
