That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize