um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
