I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
