If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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