just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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