She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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