just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
