there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
