I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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