I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
