is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
