And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
