Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
