I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
