I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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