You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
