Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
