Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize