I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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