Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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