You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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