He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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