I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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