Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
