So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
