well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
