As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
