You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize