he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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