There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
