then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
