Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize