someone threw a dead crab at me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
