she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
worst night to have a conscience
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
