yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
