Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
