you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
