You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
