in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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