oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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