what day is it and did you see me today?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
