my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found your dick twin last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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