When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
