did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
