It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
