You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
