i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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