I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
