Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
