I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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