i just had sex bonerless
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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