She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
