I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
