We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize