She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
