so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
