I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
