I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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