Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
