There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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