I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
