I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
