...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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