In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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