i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
