I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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