You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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