i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
