YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
