Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
