He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
