about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
