I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
