So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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