Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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