i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
