It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize