a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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