I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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