Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
