She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
