watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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