i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
