She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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