dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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