Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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