in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
