I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
