OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize