So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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