smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
