the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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