I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
