How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
