You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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