dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
