He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
