I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
