At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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